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Byte-sized Babble

I think that the series finale of the OC would have been better had they played #15 on Sufjan Stevens' Illinoise. It would have made the cheese-fest less cheesy and more hopeful. That's what I think.

I listened to Sufjan on the way to church this morning. Eva fell asleep in the back seat and we were early so I headed up Mt. Tolmie. It was pretty clear this morning, you could see downtown really well, and the sun was shining on the mountains as they ripped the sky in half. I live in a truly beautiful city. I don't want to ever take that for granted... he gives and takes away.

Also I'm thankful that my fridge is working and my freezer, and the furnace, and I have a wood burning stove that keeps me nice and warm too. But the batteries died in my remote, so there's something to complain about. Tim knows what I'm talkin' about.

Anyway, I have a lot to say, but not right now. I always have things I want to say on here but it never seems like a good time. Mostly because I don't have a lot of time to say it how I want to. So for now, I'm babbling. Telling you a bunch of random things. Talking about the OC and my appliances.

I have a George Foreman grill that I never use. Do you want it, Tim?

The Baby Whisperer

Well, friends, I've come to a decision.

I'm giving up "The Baby Whisperer".

Have any of you read that book?

If the Baby Whisperer works for you, that is great. It just doesn't work for me. It only messed me up. Shook my confidence. Stole away my joy. And for some reason, I kept returning to its methods like an abused puppy... sure that I could make it work, confident that The Baby Whisperer was the ultimate authority.

I have since decided against it. I will no longer refer to it. And I will not recommend it. I am not going to force Eva to fit into some Western routine. I am not going to deny her needs to make things more convenient for myself. I am holding her when she needs holding, rocking her when she needs rocking, feeding her when she needs feeding, and putting her down when it is time to put her down. I am trusting in my instincts. I have never met any adults that still need to be rocked to sleep or still need to be held by their parents. Until just very recently there were no "baby books" to learn from. And everyone lived.

Dr. Sears asks, "if babies can't have needs, then who can?" Our babies are only our babies for so long. I'm not saying I'm going in the total opposite direction and that I'm going to spoil her and give into everything that she wants. But seriously. She's 2 months old.

Since I decided to relinquish the BW, Eva and I have been living in harmony together. I have felt so happy being a mother. I can't stop giving her little kisses and telling her how much I love her.

But we miss Daddy, who is away skiing this weekend.

eva sleeps in her swing!

eva sleeps in her swing!, originally uploaded by chelseydroberts.

This is the first time that she has done this and I enjoyed it very much.

I'm having trouble dying to myself these days.

For a long time now I've wanted to rent the movie Magnolia. I had already seen it a few times and I remembered really liking it. Peter had never seen it and I had decided that he should, due to the fact that I remembered liking it and that there were so many good actors and actresses in the film. But every time that we tried to rent it, it was already rented. Finally, yesterday we were able to pick it up, and this afternoon we watched it.

Well...

part of it.

About half way through, I was so sick of it that I had to turn it off.

I guess I liked it when I was living in a different time, a different world.

I feel that world calling me lately, especially now that I have acquired a new proverbial hat to wear: mother. There have been many times in the past 8 weeks that I have taken a step back in disbelief. Disbelief that I am a mother, disbelief that I live in Victoria, that I am married, that I am a PW (pastor's wife), that I believe in God and try to live for him. Those are a lot of hats. We all have them. But lately, mine are feeling a bit heavy.

Mostly, it's the mother hat. I'm sure that's to be expected. But it seems like I'm not fully ready to dive into the deep end, if you know what I mean. It's like I want Eva to fit into my life instead of being willing to give up mine to meet her needs. I don't want you getting the wrong idea, I love the kid to bits. I don't regret anything. I'm not wishing this all to go away or anything like that. I guess I just feel a little weighed down by the sudden demands that I need to fulfill on a 24-hour basis. I guess I just don't really want to sometimes. I guess that's probably normal.

Motherhood is very missional. Any other "mission" work that I've done it has seemed as though I can die to myself for part of the day, and then go home and live for myself the rest of the time. But now there is no escaping God's call for my life. It is 100% in my face. I need to die to my selfish desires every day, all day long. Probably for the rest of my life.

It's not a bad thing.

It's just hard is all.

At least for me.

So Magnolia sits by my DVD player, unwatched. I'm remembering other hats that I have worn. I'm leaving them behind. I'm pressing on toward the goal.

And getting very little sleep while I do it.

saturday

the isle of catan, originally uploaded by chelseydroberts.

Well the day is here. It's our last day with Keri-Lyn & Alvaro. We are really going to miss them a lot. There have been a lot of laughs. And farts. But more laughs than farts, so that's good.

Yesterday the boys went golfing and Keri-Lyn, Eva, and I hung out on the beach at Cordova Bay for a while. Then we went shopping and then back to pick up the guys. Pete apparently had his best game of the year and is hoping to beat his dad the next time they play. We went downtown to Cafe Mexico. The music there was really loud and intrusive and Alvaro said that he'd never heard that kind of music in Mexico before. He said he couldn't even understand it. We had some good food. Then we came back to our house and Peter and I introduced them to the game Settlers of Catan. I know that Tim knows about this game, but for those of you who don't, you should find out, because it's pretty great.

After that, Eva had one of her best nights of sleep to date and today we went over to Kirk & Vivian's. Now it is so gorgeous out that we are going to move our table out onto the patio and play Settlers outside.

By the way, means is great.

Oh and one more thing, Mark has a blog too.

Click to see more photos.