If you can't change your fate, change your attitude.

Chinese Proverb

I spent some time this afternoon sitting on my couch, letting the natural light come into our apartment. All noisy mechanical distractions were turned off and I sat, listening to the rain come down on the house. I made a cup of orange tea and sat on the couch with my journal and I wrote.

I watched "A Walk to Remember" last night with Auntie Vivian and my cousin Bethany. I had never seen it before. I admit that it was a bit cheesy and teenybopper-ish, and not even a very realistic portrayal of how love really is (but what movie is realistic when it comes to that?)... but what I really admired was Mandy Moore's character, 18-year-old Jamie. To me, Jamie portrayed a strong young woman of faith and character. She had such a strong confidence in herself, her faith, and her life which she had decided to consciously live.

Jamie didn't wear the "in" clothes or do the "in" things, but she did all the right things, the things that are good and important. I loved how she would look at others when they made fun of her; she never let it faze her. It was almost as though she knew something that they didn't, and she knew they were missing out.

And then we find out that Jamie has leukemia (sorry to those who haven't seen it) and she's dying. Once I found that out it all seemed to make sense, becuase it seems that when people definitely know they are going to die then everything becomes very clear to them and life is simple. Do what is necessary, what is important.

But the truth is, I know that I am going to die. I definitely know it! Yet I waste so much time on meaningless things and I somehow always seem to lose sight of what is truly important to me in this life and what I want to accomplish. I need to review the mission statement I have for my life, because as I stand right now, my heart isn't in the right place.

I know it's a Mandy Moore movie, but it's provoked some wrestling inside of my heart.

A good name is better than fine perfume,
and the day of death better than the day of birth.
It is better to go to a house of mourning

than to go to a house of feasting,

for death is the destiny of every man;

the living should take this to heart.

Ecclesiastes 7:1-2