Gridblog Friday: Living Forgiven

I enjoy shopping. I always have. There is something so satisfying about finding good deals and having something new to bring home. It is also satisfying to be able to provide for yourself, to take care, and supply yourself with what you need to live. A problem with this situation is that somebody really smart figured that out and they got a job in advertising. Knowing the satisfaction that comes with having new things, their job is to figure out ways to convince people that they need these new things. Our culture has become obsessed with consuming. Our culture is so obsessed with purchasing that we even try to do that with God’s love.

When I first came to believe, I used to beat myself up pretty badly. All I could really think about was all of the things that I was doing wrong. I let my sins overwhelm me and I became anguished by my inability to “control” myself. Living like that kind of made the whole “being a Christian” thing not feel very good. I wanted to give up, to say the least. When I would confide in others, they would tell me “I don’t think that you understand God’s grace.” I didn’t even know what the phrase “God’s grace” really meant, so I knew that I definitely didn’t understand how it worked.

In the Preschool where I work they call praying “Grace”. We “say Grace” before every snack and lunch time. During our music circle times you can sometimes hear the other teachers say things like, “Okay, two more songs and then Grace”. Now that I know that grace means “the freely given, unmerited favour and love of God”, I realize that it doesn’t really make sense to call our prayers “Grace”. I mean no disrespect, but it sounds so silly doesn’t it? Yet how many times have I subconsciously thought that way; how many times have I tried to barter with God? When I first came to believe, that was how I was trying to live my life. I was trying to buy God’s forgiveness by doing things for Him, by ‘quitting’ my sins, by going to church. “Okay, I’ll sing these next two songs and then I’ll get me some grace; I’m pretty sure I’ll be forgiven after that.”

I am so thankful that God revealed a little more of His truth to me, because I think that I would’ve given up on God by trying to live that kind of Christianity. Who wouldn’t? The psalmist writes: “If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand?” (Psalm 130:3).

Becoming a believer hasn’t made me any less a sinner. Living forgiven has allowed me to let go of my pride, admit that I am a sinner, and accept God’s love. Living forgiven has allowed me to see my sins but know that God remembers them no more. Living forgiven has allowed me to confess that I am not like God and gives me the courage to try to be like Him. You have to accept God’s love before you can love Him back, and you have to love Him to obey Him.

It is pretty strange to live within a system where nobody owes anybody anything; it feels wrong not to have to pay for my sins. I see now that, in the beginning, I was trying to earn my forgiveness. I couldn’t accept that God loved me without feeling like I had to do something to deserve it. I wanted to take care of it myself. But grace is freely given. Grace is the unmerited favour and love of God.

Another phrase commonly heard in our preschool is “Let’s put our hands together for Grace”. This is when we bring out our praying hands. To that I say, “Yes! Let’s put our hands together and give it up for God’s grace!”

Now that makes sense!

The Ruch's Roost

So they have been pretty quiet about it, but John Ryan and Tami Ruch have had a blog for quite some time now. In fact, they first told me the address to it when we came out here for our interview last November. I forgot the address have been searching for it ever since, consistently forgetting to ask them.

Click here to go to their site.

Oh yeah, and another thing they've been quiet about...

they're having a baby!

Leaves turn red.

I love personal inscriptions in books.

Today Hannah and I went to Russel Books on Fort Street. Aisles of books climbing the walls, stretching out toward the street. Books once held in the hands of someone else. I searched for a deal on some Maya Angelou or Leonard Cohen. I bought a couple of books of poems, but not by either poet.

The most intriguing part of the experience was reading the personal inscriptions just inside the book covers--comminuqué among comrades, letters from lovers.

"The best gift in life is a good friend, Tim."

"I do love you... me."

I wondered at the meaning behind their gift, where life has taken them since, and how the recipient decided to be finished with a souvenir of their relationships.

I find myself wanting to read the poetry of these characters instead.

But telling gets old...

I rushed all morning. My heart rate was probably elevated, I was going so fast. The truth is, I wasn't even running late, I was just rushing. I opened the door to leave and found a treasure. Time stopped. Rain was pouring down from a grey sheet that covered the sky. I stood and listened as God fell on the earth, on the grass, on the trees that reach up toward the sky. I let myself become hypnotized, lost in the patterns of the drops as they met the ground. I listened as God said "I am here." I got in my car and let Sufjan softly sing me to work, driving through God the whole way there.

On my way to work I saw a lot of people who didn't look very happy about the rain. How odd, I thought, that we could be experiencing the same thing... but we each had quite opposite feelings about it. I imagined that it is how some people go through this life knowing that God exists and others don't know, just because our experiences are different doesn't mean that He's not there.



Really you should listen to "Predatory Wasp of the Palisades Is out to Get Us!" by Sufjan Stevens if you want to have a better understanding of the mood. It is such a wonderfully hopeful song.


I came home today and I had mail from World Vision. It was an update for my child... but this time, she wrote. I had a smile on my face the whole time.

"My prayer, peace for your mind, joy for your spirit, and love for your heart. May you have all this forever. Love, Jo Maila."

What a kid.

Topique

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of convenience, but where he stands in moments of challenge, moments of great crisis and controversy." Martin Luther King, Jr.

So, if Dave hasn't yet posted a topic... I'm writing an article on the topic "Living Forgiven" for Sister Triangle. And that's my suggestion for the next gridblog. If Dave has one, I'll supply the same or a different one later.

Elk Hunting

So the day has finally come. Peter and Uncle Kirk left for their elk-hunting trip. Auntie Vivian and I both feel a sense of relief... perhaps elk fever will leave our houses until next year. We'll see.

But.

As glad as I am that they are finally gone on their trip... that ache is back! My other half is missing.

Sigh.

How could you not miss someone who says these sorts of things:

"Jesus is the king of the world... therefore, he is the king of rock and roll."

- Peter Roberts, after watching a documentary on Elvis Presley

We're 22!

Right now I'm 24 weeks pregnant. The actual "age" of the baby is 2 weeks behind, so the baby is 22 weeks old (as Peter mentioned). So we celebrated being 22 together.
















In this picture I am reading "Does a Kangaroo Have A Mother?" (by Eric Carle) to the babe. He/She really seemed to enjoy it as it bounced around and kicked me lots during the story. Peter even took a turn reading.


Here is a picture from the 23rd week of pregnancy (taken last weekend). I agree with Kristi that the pictures do seem to make you look bigger than you really are... I guess it depends on what you are wearing too, but the truth is this baby is GROWING.

My daycare kids love that there is a baby in my tummy and let me know every day "Your baby is getting big!" Also, the same kids ask every day, "When's the baby gonna come out?" Every day I tell them "After Christmas." It's a lot of fun being pregnant and working with small kids. They all try to feel the baby moving and some even put their ear to my tummy to try and hear the baby.

Anyway, so far so good. Baby is growing, my back and feet are getting tired, but no complaints or complications thus far. Thanks for your continued prayers.

I retract, I retract!

Okay, last week I mentioned that I wanted to see a certain movie called "The Last Kiss" the day after my birthday. Today is the day after my birthday (thanks to everyone for the sweet comments!) and I got my wish... I went to the movie. And I now say that last week was the first and final time that I will promote a movie that I haven't seen!

Baby Roberts gives it two dirty diapers.

Yeah, that was a lame joke.

But anyway, I don't recommend the movie. It's sad that at the opening credit you already have the feeling that it isn't going to be good. And then you're flooded with some really uncomfortable "scenes" (you know the ones) that you don't think anyone should have to witness, and they didn't ADD anything to the movie EITHER, and it really just felt like the movie was trying to be something but it just didn't quite make the cut.

Thankfully there was some distracting noise coming from the little room that they play the movie from and we were able to get refunded.

THAT'S how good it was.

Okay, there were some funny parts.

There were some melt-your-heart parts.

But when you go to a movie and it's mostly girls and couples (whereupon you know that the males were all dragged there)... maybe it's not the best sign.

So, to those who felt like they wanted to see the movie after my post last week... I now retract my recommendation and will not take any responsibility for your exposure to the movie and its contents!

Happy Birthday Chelsey!

In case you didn't know, it's Chelsey's birthday today. I want to invite you all, yes even you silent blog readers, to leave comments and congratulations for her. She is now 22 and it just so happens that our baby turned 22 weeks old (in the womb) as well today. You could post congratulations for our baby, but I dont think he/she will be able to read it for a while. He/she can hear pretty well, however, and can kick pretty good too. That might not sound like much, but it amazes me. Anyways, I would post a blog about whats on my mind at the moment, but I doubt you'd want to hear all the details surrounding the elk hunting trip I'm going on next week. I'm leaving Sunday to spend a week up in the mountains. Will get to spend time with my dad, my uncle, and my cousin. Did I mention we're going to be camping up in the mountains and hunting elk. Okay, before I get carried away I need to quit. Please take some time to post a comment for Chelsey. Thanks.

Three babies!

I just found out that my brother Carlos and his wife Dawn are expecting their second child in May! All three of us are now expecting.

Mike & Kim are due on December 3, 2006.
Pete & Chels are due January 3, 2007.
Carlos & Dawn are due in May 2007.

How cool is that?

(if you didn't know, the answer is "pretty cool".)

Inspiration for real...

Upon researching the history behind the word "inspiration" by use of the Online Etymology Dictionary, I have decided that, perhaps, alexisonfire's sudden fame isn't sincerely what inspires me. At this point, I have decided to unveil the truth.

I am inspired by art, namely poetry and photography, but I have been known to be inspired by other artforms as paintings, music, and possibly even sidewalk chalk. When someone has wrapped their tongue around the intricasies of daily life and expressed through such accurate use of the English language, exposing the raw, hidden beauty that might never have been seen or appreciated, it is like something has blown up inside of me. I feel like I can see. The world around me is different. You should know that when I use the word "poetry" I am not referring strictly to metrical verse, but any form of writing that has poetic spirit. Photography is very poetic for me as well, the wind is knocked out of me when someone has captured the exquisite nature that is the human experience by painting with light. Not every picture does this, at least for me, but the photos that display those qualities I used to describe poetry, those are the ones that really knock my socks off. It makes me want to live in a different way.

I am also inspired by those who have made a conscious effort to take a stand, despite the pattern of the world that surrounds them. People who have said to themselves, "This stops here, with me," and they break the chain of whatever affliction it may be that was causing dysfunction in the world. People who have admitted, "I am the problem" instead of denying it and blaming everyone else. These people have decided to take the uphill slope wooded with thorns for the good of their neighbours, their family, themselves... these people are fresh air. They wake up each day and press forward instead of giving into their desire for instant gratification and the pursuit of personal happiness. I love meeting these people, hearing of their lives and living with them as the rest of it unfolds.

Given that I am inspired by those two things, you can pretty much assume that I am inspired by God since He is the beauty of the world that I find so wonderful through the mediums of art and humanity. I won't go much further into the "God topic" because most of you know already that He is inspiring, and many of you already know what it is that I personally find inspiring about Him.

Now I am going to leave the computer and interact with creation.

alexisonfire album debuts at #1

...knocking out Christina Aguilera!

How's that for a little Canadian band that started out in the Ontario underground scene? I remember when they came through Regina the first time and they packed the Exchange full... now they are stinkin' taking the places of big time "pop" stars. That's inspiring.

But who could forget that local opening band that really brought the atmosphere? Aww yeaaa.

A God who is alive...

I feel that I must begin this blog with an apology because you were probably expecting to encounter more of Chelseys incredible gift of writing but unfortunately you are stuck with my writing(if you can call it that). Anyways, this is Peter. Yes, I know that it's weird to see me posting a blog, but for some reason I felt like this was a good time to post blog #2. It only took me a year and a half to get to # 2. My title was going to be "I am alive", as I never write anything on here and never find the time to sit down and email friends, but instead I felt "God is alive" would be more telling of what I feel like sharing with you. It will be nothing profound and definetely not as beautifully written as the one who usually writes these things(Chelsey), but here it goes. I was sitting in my office just now reflecting on my past weekend in Oregon with 6 of the teens from our youth group. We were attending FaithQuest which is a large youth retreat designed for teens who wish to be challenged and grow in their faith(450 teens attended). As we were driving down I had big hopes for the kids and the impact this weekend would have on them. Within hours of arriving I soon realized that God had plans for more than the teens. Within those first few hours I was overcome with the comfort of God's presence and was amazed at how alive He is in our world. It would take me too long to try and explain how this happened and would then probably not make any sense to you so I won't bother, but in case you have been wondering lately, God is most definitely alive and working in our world. I've seen Him in young and old people who's lives are changed as they turn to follow God. I've seen Him in old people who have lived with sin for many years and have overcome a desperate struggle in order to realign their life with God. I've seen Him in the lives of those who have given themselves wholeheartedly to sharing the news of Gods grace with the world. I've seen him through the love, forgiveness, and acceptance found in most church families (And for those who may have just scoffed, you did hear me right, I have actually seen those characteristics displayed in many churches and I am only a Christian now because of it). I've seen Him through the beauty of His creation. In the prairies(yes their beautiful), the mountains, the ocean, wildlife, streams, and I've even seen the occasional beautiful person here or there. Actually, every person in the world is an amazing creation of Gods. For example, if you've experienced the wonder of watching your wifes belly grow knowing your little child is being knit together day by day, preparing to take its first breath outside the womb. And if you've sat in the doctors office at only 9 weeks while your child is only one inch long and heard its little heart(the size of an aspirin) beating and pumping blood through its miniature sized, rapidly developing body, then how could you not see a God who is alive, powerful, and at work in our world. This isn't rhetorical, I would actually like an explanation if youve experienced this and still dont believe we are all created by a loving God.(peter@shelbournestreet.com). Anyways, it seems that everywhere I turn these days I am reminded of Gods power, creativity, and comforting presence. Having said all this, I dont know what its supposed to mean. I just thought I'd share my thoughts while I was thinking them. Thanks for listening.

Peter

The day after...

I want to go see this the day after my birthday.

From the writer of "Million Dollar Baby", the co-writer of "Crash", three actors that I really like, a decent soundtrack... should be pretty good.

We peeled the freckles from our shoulders

It's Labour Day.

That can only mean two things.

1) A day off.
2) Summer is over.

I am thankful for both.

I'd say that it's pretty obvious why I would be thankful for an extra day off, but some of you may be wondering why I would be thankful that summer is over: "How, Chelsey, how can you say that!? Summer is great! Warmth, sunshine, green grass, holidays, what more could you want? It's the best time of the year!"

Okay, so maybe you wouldn't say it that way.

But my point is, I'm summered out.

Back in June, I was in definite need of a break. It had been a busy ten months. Last September I started my Early Childhood Education certificate, I was crazy busy with that for the whole semester, we came to Victoria in November for our interview and soon after that, we got prepared to move across the country. I completed a practicum in January and February and threw the actual moving across the country right in the middle of them. From then on I was getting adjusted to a new city, a new culture, new people, new jobs (a few of them). Getting to know my new brothers and sisters. Teen activities. On top of that: deciding to have my first child and going through the very tiresome first trimester. Spending a week in Regina. Working at West?! That would bring me to June.

Definitely time for a break.

Peter has been away all weekend and I spent my time recuperating from our two week Cross-Canada tour. At one point yesterday I really started to feel lonely. And all of the sudden I started having all of these crazy thoughts: feeling like I didn't really know anyone here and didn't really connect with anyone and I felt so alone and lost and in need of some good companionship. (read on for the "but"...)

But then it hit me.

None of those things were true (except the part of needing some good companionship).

I realized that the only reason I was feeling all of those untrue things was because I haven't seen a bunch of people since June! And if I've seen them, I haven't truly connected with them. And that's what I'm really missing, those deep, spiritual connections. Summer was great for a break, but I am feeling some major disconnection from my church family because of it.

I don't know about you, but September has always felt more like a beginning of a new year to me than January.

So welcome back from summer everyone, here's to the new year.

announcements

Today my dear friend Brianne is getting married! At this time, every thing is set up and ready to go, hair is done, starting to get into the dress, guests are getting ready... but there's one thing missing... her twin!

Congratulations from Victoria Brianne & Arlen!

Introducing:

Remy Scott Rae

born to Kristen & Lindsay Rae

on August 30, 2006

7lbs. 11oz.

Suggestion...

...next grid-blog topic: new alexisonfire album debuts at #1, knocking out Christina Aguilera. Ehhhh???

...

All day I reflected on my blog below and I think that my question here isn't the fallibility of the bible, because I definitely whole-heartedly trust it and believe it, I guess my confusion is more around knowing what to take literally and what to write off (if anything).

Gridblog Ramblings Numero Uno

So when I reviewed the topic on Tim's blog, I wasn't really sure I had anything to say about biblical authority and inspiration... especially since I read the list of John's creative titles as though they were actual topics we had to choose from. But then I started to think about it a little more and I re-read the information and I thought, I guess I could say something... and I guess it's kind of a long something.

(For those who are confused, there are a group of us writing blogs today on this week's topic of biblical authority and inspiration... called Gridblogging... it's the way of the future).

Anyway, I think that my previous post The Simple Life was on this topic a little bit, and I think it alludes to my confusion. It seems to me that the more that I journey through this life with God and the more that I learn, the more I realize that I don't know anything. It's a cliche to say that God is big, so maybe I'll just start by saying that I'm really small. I mean, really small.

It's tempting to believe what our society tells you... who wouldn't want to believe that you yourself are the most important, you have to make yourself happy first, make sure that you are content, make sure that you are comfortable and your needs are met, and then maybe you can think about others. I tend to think that I'm pretty important when I'm living life that way. The world revolves around me, I'm number one, my ideas are right, so on and so forth. Of course I'm not thinking that consciously, but if I really reflect, I know that in my heart those thoughts are there.

But in reality I'm just this tiny little blip on a huge planet with billions of other people and we're all doing so many different things... how do we know what is right? How do we know what to do?

It was when I was in college (hard to believe that I can say that) that I first heard discussion on the fallibility of the Bible. Introduction to Christian Theology was a tough class for me, being a follower for only 10 months (you mean there are three persons, but they are all God??). Anyway, I had to look up what the word fallible meant. Since then, I haven't really thought about it too much.

Reflecting now (and making my way back to my confusion) I can see that when I first started to believe, I read the New Testament (didn't get through the OT until this year) as a pretty straight-forward, black and white book. A lot of it was very comforting and I highlighted those parts; a lot of it was really frightening and I usually skipped over those parts.

Through discussion and reading, I then went on to learn that there is a lot of history behind the things that Jesus says and that certain phrases that he would say would have specific meaning to his audience and that Paul was writing actual letters on certain issues to specific churches. This made the book seem a lot more rich and a lot more real, but also a lot more confusing. So how do I know what applies to me? Should I cover my head as Paul says, should I sell all my posessions as Jesus tells one guy? Should I do this, do that, what should I do?... Oh yeah, grace through faith not works... BUT faith without works is dead... so is that a contradiction?... Who was Paul talking to, who was Jesus talking to, what context, what story behind that, is Jesus even being straightforward or is it just sarcasm to turn the Pharisees words on their heads... will I ever understand anything or do I already understand but just not want to admit it: is "Christian scholarship the Church's prodigious invention to defend itself against the Bible, to ensure that we can continue to be good Christians without the Bible coming too close?" (Kierkegaard)?

It's hard to know what to think when there are a lot of other people out there with some thoughts on the matter as well.

I'm living for God because he's revealed himself to me over and over, not because a book told me I should. I see the Bible as what you might call a history book, telling the story of Him and his people and I think that it reveals a lot about God's character, which is really good for me to know since I'm wanting to live for Him and all. Obviously I have some questions about some things, and I'm not sure how to read some other things, but I'm going to go on with my life believing in the infalliblity of God. When I have questions, I'm going to ask Him. When I want to know how I should act or what I should do, or what something means, I'm going to ask Him. I mean, he's God. He's the one who created this place right, and he's overseeing it, so he should know... after all "God is big"...



(but how do I know that He created the world and that he's overseeing it... didn't I get that from the Bible... and how much of that is falliable?)