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Byte-sized Babble

I think that the series finale of the OC would have been better had they played #15 on Sufjan Stevens' Illinoise. It would have made the cheese-fest less cheesy and more hopeful. That's what I think.

I listened to Sufjan on the way to church this morning. Eva fell asleep in the back seat and we were early so I headed up Mt. Tolmie. It was pretty clear this morning, you could see downtown really well, and the sun was shining on the mountains as they ripped the sky in half. I live in a truly beautiful city. I don't want to ever take that for granted... he gives and takes away.

Also I'm thankful that my fridge is working and my freezer, and the furnace, and I have a wood burning stove that keeps me nice and warm too. But the batteries died in my remote, so there's something to complain about. Tim knows what I'm talkin' about.

Anyway, I have a lot to say, but not right now. I always have things I want to say on here but it never seems like a good time. Mostly because I don't have a lot of time to say it how I want to. So for now, I'm babbling. Telling you a bunch of random things. Talking about the OC and my appliances.

I have a George Foreman grill that I never use. Do you want it, Tim?

The Baby Whisperer

Well, friends, I've come to a decision.

I'm giving up "The Baby Whisperer".

Have any of you read that book?

If the Baby Whisperer works for you, that is great. It just doesn't work for me. It only messed me up. Shook my confidence. Stole away my joy. And for some reason, I kept returning to its methods like an abused puppy... sure that I could make it work, confident that The Baby Whisperer was the ultimate authority.

I have since decided against it. I will no longer refer to it. And I will not recommend it. I am not going to force Eva to fit into some Western routine. I am not going to deny her needs to make things more convenient for myself. I am holding her when she needs holding, rocking her when she needs rocking, feeding her when she needs feeding, and putting her down when it is time to put her down. I am trusting in my instincts. I have never met any adults that still need to be rocked to sleep or still need to be held by their parents. Until just very recently there were no "baby books" to learn from. And everyone lived.

Dr. Sears asks, "if babies can't have needs, then who can?" Our babies are only our babies for so long. I'm not saying I'm going in the total opposite direction and that I'm going to spoil her and give into everything that she wants. But seriously. She's 2 months old.

Since I decided to relinquish the BW, Eva and I have been living in harmony together. I have felt so happy being a mother. I can't stop giving her little kisses and telling her how much I love her.

But we miss Daddy, who is away skiing this weekend.

eva sleeps in her swing!

eva sleeps in her swing!, originally uploaded by chelseydroberts.

This is the first time that she has done this and I enjoyed it very much.

I'm having trouble dying to myself these days.

For a long time now I've wanted to rent the movie Magnolia. I had already seen it a few times and I remembered really liking it. Peter had never seen it and I had decided that he should, due to the fact that I remembered liking it and that there were so many good actors and actresses in the film. But every time that we tried to rent it, it was already rented. Finally, yesterday we were able to pick it up, and this afternoon we watched it.

Well...

part of it.

About half way through, I was so sick of it that I had to turn it off.

I guess I liked it when I was living in a different time, a different world.

I feel that world calling me lately, especially now that I have acquired a new proverbial hat to wear: mother. There have been many times in the past 8 weeks that I have taken a step back in disbelief. Disbelief that I am a mother, disbelief that I live in Victoria, that I am married, that I am a PW (pastor's wife), that I believe in God and try to live for him. Those are a lot of hats. We all have them. But lately, mine are feeling a bit heavy.

Mostly, it's the mother hat. I'm sure that's to be expected. But it seems like I'm not fully ready to dive into the deep end, if you know what I mean. It's like I want Eva to fit into my life instead of being willing to give up mine to meet her needs. I don't want you getting the wrong idea, I love the kid to bits. I don't regret anything. I'm not wishing this all to go away or anything like that. I guess I just feel a little weighed down by the sudden demands that I need to fulfill on a 24-hour basis. I guess I just don't really want to sometimes. I guess that's probably normal.

Motherhood is very missional. Any other "mission" work that I've done it has seemed as though I can die to myself for part of the day, and then go home and live for myself the rest of the time. But now there is no escaping God's call for my life. It is 100% in my face. I need to die to my selfish desires every day, all day long. Probably for the rest of my life.

It's not a bad thing.

It's just hard is all.

At least for me.

So Magnolia sits by my DVD player, unwatched. I'm remembering other hats that I have worn. I'm leaving them behind. I'm pressing on toward the goal.

And getting very little sleep while I do it.

saturday

the isle of catan, originally uploaded by chelseydroberts.

Well the day is here. It's our last day with Keri-Lyn & Alvaro. We are really going to miss them a lot. There have been a lot of laughs. And farts. But more laughs than farts, so that's good.

Yesterday the boys went golfing and Keri-Lyn, Eva, and I hung out on the beach at Cordova Bay for a while. Then we went shopping and then back to pick up the guys. Pete apparently had his best game of the year and is hoping to beat his dad the next time they play. We went downtown to Cafe Mexico. The music there was really loud and intrusive and Alvaro said that he'd never heard that kind of music in Mexico before. He said he couldn't even understand it. We had some good food. Then we came back to our house and Peter and I introduced them to the game Settlers of Catan. I know that Tim knows about this game, but for those of you who don't, you should find out, because it's pretty great.

After that, Eva had one of her best nights of sleep to date and today we went over to Kirk & Vivian's. Now it is so gorgeous out that we are going to move our table out onto the patio and play Settlers outside.

By the way, means is great.

Oh and one more thing, Mark has a blog too.

Click to see more photos.

The Latest Bloggers

Please welcome Keri-Lyn & Alvaro to the blogging community!

mum num yum yum

Today I sat in the car and fed Eva in the inner harbour while Pete, Keri-Lyn & Alvaro walked around. I listened to some Sufjan. Leave it to Sufjan to inspire you. I was in quite the photographic mood, but I was stuck. Someday though. Someday.

Keri-Lyn & Alvaro got here on Saturday and we love them. We have been having a lot of fun. And its nice to have people to help take care of Eva. She loves them too. Tonight we are having a night in front of the television. The Hills, two hours of 24 and then CSI Miami. We are pretty much losers.

We had a doctor's appointment today. Eva now weighs 11 lbs and 5 oz. We all placed bets beforehand and Alvaro won. He is so Mexican.

It's true, he is. Keri-Lyn says that it's my blog and I can say what I want to about Alvaro.

more new pictures on flickr

sleeping in the car, originally uploaded by chelseydroberts.

Mother's Helper

If I were rich I would totally get a nanny.

She could do my dishes while I enjoy my little girl. She could clean my house while I go out walking. She could take care of Eva while I have a nap or stay up to date with the blogging community. She could tell me that I'm beautiful even on the worst days. Maybe she'd even be a personal masseuse. Or have magic breasts and she could feed Eva in the night sometimes. I say sometimes because I don't want her taking over. She is just the nanny.

I'm just saying I can understand why people have them, that's all.

dear fellow photobuffs

"At Photokina last September Hasselblad launched their '48 mm Full-Frame DSLR camera system' the H3D. At the time there were two models, the 22 and 39 megapixels, Hasselblad has now announced a 31 megpixel option; the H3D-31. Unlike the 22 and 39 megapixel cameras the 31 megapixel unit isn't quite "Full-Frame 48mm" as its sensor measures 44x33mm, however it does surpass them in another respect; it uses microlenses to improve fill factor and gain a stop of sensitivity; now up to ISO 800. Unless you win the lottery the H3D-31 is unlikely to be replacing your Digital Rebel as it's priced at US$ 24,995." Click here if you want to read more.

New pictures...

smiles, originally uploaded by chelseydroberts.

Click here to see more.

Velvet Elvis

"The point of the cross isn't forgiveness. Forgiveness leads to something much bigger: restoration. God isn't just interested in the covering over of our sins. God wants to make us into the people we were originally created to be. It is not just the remoal of what's being held against us; it is God pulling us into the people he originally had in mind when he made us. This restoration is why Jesus always orients his message around becoming the kind of people who are generous and loving and compassionate. The goal here isn't simply to not sin. Our purpose is to increase the shalom in this world, which is why approaches to the Christian faith that deal solely with not sinning always fail. They aim at the wrong thing. It is not about what you don't do. The point is becoming more and more the kind of people God had in mind when we were first created.

It is one thing to be forgiven; it is another thing to become more and more and more and more the person God made you to be.

...

It is one thing to be saved. To believe in Jesus. It is another thing to be healed. It is possible to be saved and miserable. It is possible to be saved and not be a healthy, whole, life-giving person. It is possible for the cross to have done something for a person but not in them."

- from Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell

Home

So this weekend was Family Camp at Camp Imadene. This weekend was our first weekend trip with Eva. She did great. She didn't enjoy the car ride up, but she was in an excellent mood all weekend.

One thing that I have really come to enjoy is witnessing the joy that Eva brings to people when they hold her. I watched so many people from our church family light up with joy, just from cradling her in their arms. It's amazing. I love being able to be a part of it and to share with them the joy that she brings me every day.

We are home and I am tired, of course.

Now for some questions for some mothers out there:

1) Have you ever used a breast pump before, and what kind? What worked for you? I just got one and so far, I haven't had the best of luck... I only was able to pump 2.5 oz.

2) What kind of "routines" did you have with your newborns? Did you rock them to sleep? Did they nap in their cribs or did you hold them? I've been reading "The Baby Whisperer" and the books have been very informative and helpful, but there are some things that I question and I'm curious about. For example, if you do pretty much anything (rocking, holding, use a swing, etc.) to put your child to sleep, that is considered a prop and is discouraged so that you don't get into bad habits. I don't want to start a bad habit that I'm going to have to break later, but I haven't met anyone yet who sits by the crib and teaches their 4 week old to fall asleep on their own.

Motherhood, huh. Who knew?

Back to camp, I feel sad for those who missed out, it was a great bonding weekend and I think it was very powerful for a lot of people. I am so thankful to God for the people that he has placed in my life and for the paths that have lead us all to where we are right now... and to where we are going.

Habits

Chewing your nails... cracking your knuckles... putting your foot in your mouth... generosity?

I've spent the past couple of days thinking about generosity. Not all day, of course, that's ridiculous, but here and there, on commercial breaks, 2AM feedings...and I'm thinking 'what is there to say about generosity'? Or, more truthfully, 'what do I have to say about generosity?'.

I thought about sharing a touching story, one that would really melt your heart, but I just wasn't in the mood. I thought about talking about how I'm the most generous person I know at this moment as I give my life, my body, and more importantly, my sleep, for Eva. I realized that I was a little full of myself (and less than generous!), so I started to think about all the people who are more generous than I (and also more humble), but there are too many to list and I didn't want to leave anyone out. Since I didn't seem to have any original ideas, I thought about putting some quotes up from 'The Power of Generosity" by Dave Toycen... but I already did that.

So I turned to Wikipedia, your friendly, neighborhood know-it-all, for some inspiration. And this is what they say:

"Generosity is the habit of giving."

The first thing that struck me is that they called it a habit. Usually I think of habits in a negative context, but wikipedia says that generosity is a habit, and not only is it a habit, but it is a desirable habit. Now I've never looked at someone chewing their nails off and said to myself: "I desire that habit", but when I read through about how Christ lived his life and when I see others living in the same way, it's another story.

Jesus is generous always. It seems that every story about Him is a story of generosity. Sit down and take a read through Matthew, Mark, Luke or John. You'll see that it's true. You may find yourself thinking: "Man, that is desirable. I'm gonna have to get me some of that habit."

And then, you should.